Creative Non Fiction

The Reminiscence Of My Life Going Back and Forth

It was a normal day in Bournemouth, UK. 8:30 in the morning and I was ready to walk as usual to my university. The past few days being bright and sunny, I decided to take the risk and wear a cute jumper instead of a waterproof jacket and I even decided to get my hair and make up done – I wanted to look good. I was hoping it wouldn’t rain because the rain would ruin all the effort I had put in to getting ready. As habit dictated, I still carried my umbrella.

While walking it was sunny but then the grey clouds moved in and it started to pitter patter. Eventually the pitter patter became stronger and turned into a drizzle, so I pulled out my umbrella from my bag and moved on with ease. Out of nowhere a strong wind joined the drizzle and it started to pour like a cold shower. It was officially raining cats and dogs, as they say here. The wind was literally pushing me back, my hair was blowing in every direction, and on top of that my umbrella broke and flew away. It ended up hitting someone’s window. I quickly walked away from the scene and left my broken useless umbrella behind, but then I could literally hear my father’s roar all the way from India. My father’s anger subconsciously hit me and reminded me to be responsible and not leave any trash behind – sorry I mean rubbish. I went back and disposed of the damaged umbrella in the nearest garbage bin, because I didn’t want to litter. The gusting wind slowed down and the rain started to settle down, but by this time, my hair looked like a bird’s nest and my eyeliner was smeared around my eyes: I ended up looking like a very scary racoon. I was soaking wet and there was a miniature pool in my shoes. This experience is now a regular occurrence for me in England. As I had never experienced such weather before in India, I was frequently caught off guard. Now even during a hot day I carry an emergency raincoat in my bag, because you never know when it might start to rain unpredictably. I used to love the rain – it was my favourite weather – but now I’m truly sick of it.

I was in the Arts Bar at my university, working on my assignment, when again it started to rain. It was hammering down on the roof. This constant cold rain really made me think of India . I really miss the rain back home. You see rain in India is quite different; it has a floral scent of Jasmine and thunder lilies combined with hot, wet mud; and the raindrops seem full of memories and are aesthetically pleasing. Quite often the rain in India would remind me of my childhood.

I remember this one time during my summer break, back home in India, on a sizzling hot day, when my family and I had gone to our farmhouse. My father was complaining about the heat and how he would like a few showers to help the crops grow in time. We were bored, hot and frustrated and everyone was begging for rain. Thankfully during the afternoon our prayers were answered since it clouded up and started to rain. We were so happy. We even saw a pair of peacocks dancing in our garden. The peacocks had lovely blue and green feathers spreading out like a Tuanshan fan. They were dancing elegantly and moving rhythmically to the raindrops. Their dance was quite alluring and kind of hypnotising. My father asked our cook to make some fresh pakodas (vegetable fritters) and chai. Pakoda is a popular snack that my family and I would enjoy during the rain. It’s quite similar to onion rings, the only difference is that it has a lot more spices, and sometimes we use potatoes, cauliflower or spinach along with onions, and the batter is made of chickpea powder.

My brother and I wanted to play in the rain. To keep us protected my mom gave us raincoats and gum boots, and to keep us amused my grandmother made paper boats for us. My brother and I would splash in the puddles, while trying our best to float the paper boats in the puddles. That day my brother tried to conjure up a plan so that we could play longer in the rain without our mother seeing us. Sadly his plan was foiled. You see hiding behind a tree doesn’t exactly make you invisible. Our mother called us in, in a stern voice, and forced us to have warm showers and put on fresh dry clothes. Then she handed us huge glasses of hot turmeric milk that we had to finish. It was a fun day, and soon it became a ritual every time it would rain. Even today we like to sit in the veranda and enjoy the cooling rain while enjoying tasty snacks and tea. I have always enjoyed the rain, it provided me with good memories.

So there I was, sitting in the Arts Bar in my university drinking my coffee, looking out of the window, waiting for the rain to stop. It made me homesick: I couldn’t believe that I had spent almost 3 years in England. In 2020 I moved to England for my undergrad studies and to experience a new country and learn to be independent. I had to learn how to manage housework without my mother, and how to juggle university and social life without any issue. I actually do enjoy England a lot. I have freedom here and I have learnt how to push out of my comfort zone. For example I learnt how to use public transport and was able to ask for help from people around me without feeling too anxious. That being said, I really hate the rain, it never stops and it’s super unpredictable. I have literally experienced summer, monsoon and winter in a few hours in England. English rain doesn’t have that nice sweet scent like home and it feels like drops of tears, tiptoeing on my head reminding me of every mistake I have ever made. Honestly, the cold is not a problem. I have lived in the hills before, and despite the cold, the rain still felt special.

When I was at middle school, my family and I moved to Nanital, a very popular hill station (a small town in the hills that contain army camps) in Uttarakhand. It was a really special place for us. We had greenery all around us, kind neighbours that cared for us and amazing weather which felt cold sometimes but that we got used to very quickly. Our farmhouse was in the plains just two hours away from Nainital. My father would manage the farm during the week and then visit us during the weekends.

Nanital had a lovely alpine lake, where you could go boating, enjoy the beauty of the hills that surround you, and even feed fish like the Common Carp, Mahseer and the Mosquito fish. The fish would rise to the surface and often jump out of the water with a splash.

I remember in the beginning it was quite hard to make friends in a new environment, but thanks to school, I had met a very kind girl called Simmi. She would often interact with me and soon we realised that we actually lived quite close to each other. We hadn’t really become friends in the beginning, we were more like acquaintances, yet we exchanged numbers and decided to stay in touch if any one of us needed help.

One afternoon during a busy week, when I was struggling with my homework, I decided to call Simmi. Without any hesitation she called me over to her house. The minute I reached her house, her mother served us cookies with milk and Simmi very patiently guided me through our homework. Throughout that afternoon we joked, did our homework, and even gossiped about our classmates and teachers. I think it was about 6:30 pm, when my mother came to pick me up. Simmi’s parents insisted on her staying for a while, and they served her hot tea and snacks. The whole family were extremely kind and caring. We left around 7:00 pm and it was that very afternoon when Simmi and I became the best of friends. Even today, every time I come home during my summer break I always connect with Simmi and we always have a blast.

Similarly, at my university for the first few weeks I struggled to make any friends. Similar to Simmi, there was a kind girl named Bailey, who would always interact with me. We used to bump into each other at the Starbucks on our university campus. We started interacting because of our fondness for coffee. Sometime around our assignments week, Bailey had contacted me on Instagram. She wanted a study buddy and asked me if I would like to join her at the library. I was thrilled: finally I had found someone who would interact with me. My father always said to me that in life we needed just a handful of friends and this is true. At least I hope it is.

In the library we worked on our assignments. We had to submit a critical essay, and Bailey thought it would be good to work together, to discuss ideas and give each other helpful feedback. While studying we also shared our childhood stories and we realised that we had a lot in common. Thanks to working on the assignment I had finally made a friend. Today Bailey is like my sister. She is a lot more mature than most students in our classroom. She has never dipped her feet in classroom drama, which I have always respected; and, like a sister, I can talk to her about boys, crushes and even my insecurities without feeling judged. She often advises me and even helps me with many struggles. I remember once I had asked her if she would order coffee for me, since I had huge crush on the barista and felt too shy to go up there and order coffee on my own. She was so sweet she helped me out and then soon even taught me how I could fake confidence and talk to boys without feeling shy. Sometimes it’s hard to find friends that are genuine. Hence finding a friend like Bailey honestly feels like a blessing.

Many times I spoke to Bailey about feeling lonely and homesick. I told her about my anxieties and how I struggled to leave my confront zone. I told her I was keen to try something new that would push me outside of my shell. One day she advised me to travel around Bournemouth. She suggested many different places like Weymouth, Poole, the New Forest, Christchurch and Southampton. I googled all the places she had listed and Christchurch seemed closest to me and, besides, I had already explored Poole and Southampton. Thus I decided to visit Christchurch. I planned my trip with Bailey so I knew everything I could do there. Bailey told me how it was a cute little town and a place you can enjoy alone. Hmm.

Honestly, I have never travelled alone before. I’m the youngest member of my family, and I have always been protected and pampered. I was scared to explore a new place alone, but if I can travel 4,688 miles away from home during COVID, surely I can manage a 7-minute train ride without any issues, right? Of course, I can handle it! My forefathers had fought in both of the Great Wars. As their descendent I’m sure I could easily handle a short ride to a new town. That’s logical, right?

With hesitation, I got ready to visit Christchurch ALONE! When I arrived, an immediate problem presented itself: I was overdressed. Whereas Bournemouth had been cold, Christchurch was hot. It was like descending from heaven to hell (weather-wise) – but a beautiful hell.

The town was so quaint. It was a typical storybook town, like the type you would see in children’s stories and pop-up books. It had those cute little bakeries that emanated an aroma of freshly baked bread. There were tiny stalls that sold beautiful flowers likes roses, lilies, and orchids, as well as many quaint timeless dusty stores that sold antiques and classic crockery and old paintings. This town even had lovely cafés, with beautiful checked tablecloths and pavement seating where the coffee was freshly made, scones and fresh cupcakes were served and the ambience was cosy. It was a peaceful place where you could escape from the buzz and just relax. Roaming around the town felt like I was passing through an old romantic Hallmark movie set.

One place that really fascinated me was the ‘Priory Church Of The Holy Trinity’. When I entered the church, I finally understood the meaning of the word mesmerising – for this church truly and deeply captured my attention. The stained-glass murals were so well-detailed, you could almost see a story play out in front of you. Beautiful oil paintings and murals depicted the life and history of Jesus Christ. They told stories of his life, the miracles he performed and of him being nailed to the cross and his resurrection and those who were part of his life. The people in the murals would often rejoice and dine together. Everyone may experience the murals differently but this is how I perceived it. I think each glass mural had a special story that anyone could perceive in any way. The church was very old and imposing having stood for over 1100 years. There were lovely oil paintings that looked like pictures, well-maintained statues and an overall aura that stays with you. This church reminded me of the old churches I had seen in Goa, India.

I love how both India and UK have such beautiful and diverse histories. We can be in completely different countries but we have so many similarities. Seeing the church made me sad for a reason: the churches in Goa weren’t well maintained like the Priory. It saddened me that the next generation in India might not get to see these historic beauties. Despite the sentiment, I really like Christchurch, its antiquity and history. It was a town with very kind people, like the lovely old couple I met who gave me directions and also suggested some good places for lunch and coffee. This place felt like home.

*

When I was younger and living in Nanital, I often felt like something was missing. Sometime around my twelfth birthday my parents and I welcomed a new member into our family. A 2-month-old Shih Tzu who loved being cuddled, hence we named her Cuddles.

During the weekends my Dad would come to Nanital and take Cuddles, my mom and me on treks, picnics and bird-watching trips around the hills. A few kilometres beyond Nanital there was a small hill village called Pangot, a birdwatcher’s delight. My parents, Cuddles and I often trekked there, taking in the beautiful creations of mother nature. We saw Red-Vented Bulbuls, Mountain Goats, Black Eagles, Lammergeiers, Cheer Pheasants, Monal Pheasants and many more rare birds and animals.

Cuddles had a humanlike expression when she looked out of the car window while we drove. This tiny little puppy was very curious. She sniffed each and every flower, walked on every stone possible and barked at any grazing cows she saw along the way. That being said she was very patient when we took pictures of the life around us, and despite being an inquisitive puppy, she was very disciplined. She would walk beside us without a leash, with her tiny little paws trying their best to keep up with us.

Cuddles is the type of dog that would jump into the car even before the boot was loaded. She would sit on our suitcases while we packed to make sure we would not leave her behind. During our road trips, we would stop at McDonalds and get her a plain vanilla soft serve. She loved vanilla ice cream, but the spoiled little brat always wanted to be fed by hand, otherwise, she would refuse. She was very particular about her paws and was fussy to keep them clean; she would always avoid dirt and puddles and would constantly lick her paws. She also loved toys. As a puppy she would steal my stuffed toys by jumping on my bed, picking them up and hiding them away in her bed.

We have kept many dogs at home, and as a kid I remember that generally speaking they were all one-man (or one-person) pets. While they were affectionate towards other family members as well, they only truly loved one person. Cuddles is a bit different, however. She loves everyone and treats everyone with respect; she cares for every family member and even the household staff. Here love is reciprocated equally by everyone.

Most importantly she was instrumental in saving my life. Since I was 2 years old, I had frequent episodes of epilepsy. I would get terrible seizures and my doctor pretty much lacked any hope for my condition, she said I would have to be on medication my whole life. I don’t know how this happened but when Cuddles joined the family, because of her love and affection, my EEG reports started showing miraculous changes for the better and the Doctor was astonished and even ordered a review and complete retesting. By the time I was 15 years old I had been seizure free for 3 whole years!

Cuddles would sleep in my bed every day, watch me get dressed for school, sneakily share my breakfast when my mom wasn’t looking and even wait near the front door for hours till I came back from school. I could be wrong, but I think she had a sixth sense. I remember one night, when I was sleeping, she suddenly started barking, which alerted my parents and they both rushed into my room. A few seconds later my mouth had started to twitch towards the right. Immediately my parents held onto me and kept me calm and gave me emergency medication, which helped in preventing a seizure. I was taken care of right in time. I think Cuddles was able to sense that something was wrong and thanks to her barking she was able to alert my parents on time. If she hadn’t done that, I would have never got a chance to leave home, visit the UK or even grow up.

Being with Cuddles meant that over time my medication was tapered off and soon even my EEG became normal. I know a lot of people don’t believe in healing dogs, but I do. Obviously, the doctors and medication played their part. Today I’m seizure-free, medication free and my EEG reports are normal, something that my doctor said would never happen. Cuddles had a special ability to understand her family and whenever anyone fell ill, she would sit near and comfort them. Even now she does the same.

You don’t have to believe in healing dogs, but personally, I think that Cuddles is special and she did in fact save my life.

Going to Christchurch helped me overcome my homesickness. My childhood in Nanital was amazing and being in Christchurch reminded me of being home and made me feel comfortable and happy. I saw so many dogs in Christchurch and even got a chance to pet a Shih Tzu that behaved quite similar to Cuddles. This town really felt special but I couldn’t stay forever. Soon I had to escape from my romanticised fiction and step back to reality. I hope to one day visit Christchurch again and maybe even take Cuddles with me there. It had this liveliness that can’t actually be explained in words, it can only be experienced.

I came back to Bournemouth around 6:30 in the evening and this little trip made me refreshed and happy.

*

Studying in Bournemouth is really fun. Our tutors often keep us engaged with group workshops and writing activities. In my free time I go to the Arts Bar and work on my assignments and we have a lot clubs and societies to keep us entertained. I have good friends here and in general there’s a lot to do, even during our summer break. I didn’t even feel like going home but recently with the constantly changing weather and cold, I had started to feel quite unwell and lonely. I wasn’t participating in activities. I wasn’t taking a shower. I even stopped eating for weeks. Staying in bed all day was not going to make things better. I tried to keep myself busy by going to the gym and cycling at the beach, but the loneliness was really getting to me. I didn’t feel well, and I was struggling to get an appointment with my GP. Therefore for medical reasons I came back home.

Coming back home has made me happy again, but I can’t tell if it's the environment or Cuddles or the medication that has helped me. Perhaps all three. I do enjoy the sunny warm days here. It may get a bit hot sometimes but overall I really enjoy the summer. After all, I’m a ‘summer baby’.

Summers at the farm are the best. Eating sweet mangoes, bathing in cool water and enjoying enormous glasses of cold coffee. I always thought cold coffee was a common drink around the world but apparently it’s only common in a few countries. Honestly, I feel bad for the people who didn’t get a chance to grow up with cold coffee – they are missing out on the goodness of the frothy, strong and creamy coffee drink. It's refreshing and it fills you up. But it’s also very addictive. Just like home.

That being said, life at the farm can also get very boring sometimes. I’m grateful for the farm that my forefathers left for us, but sometimes we have nothing to do. It's nice and warm which I love but our farmhouse is an isolated place among the woods.

We have a town nearby called Rudrapur, it's an industrial town, entertainment-wise we don’t get much here. Although the town has really developed, it has a long way to go yet. New cafés, restaurants and a mall have opened up here. Maybe one day it will become a developed city.

One advantage that Rudrapur has is that it’s the gateway to the Kumaon hills and the famous Jim Corbett National Park, which resides in the foothills of Nanital and is one of the oldest National Parks in India. It is popular for its Bengal tigers, leopards and wild elephants, and is filled with flora and fauna. It has beautiful vegetation like Sal, Haldu, Peepal, Rohini and Mango trees.

I have gone there countless times and have been lucky enough to see Spotted deer, Barking deer, Sambar deer, Wild boars, The pied hornbill, Green Rosellas and of course the tiger.

During our winter break we had a family get together and our whole family had reunited at the Jim Corbett resort to celebrate Christmas and New Years. During this time, every morning we would go on jungle safaris and try to spot as many animals and birds as we could. The first four days we had been quite unlucky, we had only seen deer and monkeys. On our last day my uncle had arranged an elephant safari for my cousins and me. We woke up really early but we weren’t that keen since the last few days had been quite a downer. Anyway, my cousins and I got ready and we all mounted an elephant accompanied by a guide. It was early in the morning and honestly I was not that interested – the elephant ride was fun but I was frustrated at this point. Then our guide spotted a Tiger lurking in the bushes. He was quite far away and we could only see his ears and tail but even that small sight made us ecstatic and charged up our adrenaline. Finally this vacation made sense and I knew this day wouldn’t get any better but luckily I was proven wrong. Again we went for a safari and this time even my father joined me. He had better knowledge than the guides, so having him with us was like carrying an audible encyclopaedia, with knowledge and funny dad jokes. For example, during the safari he asked us why do cows have bells? We gave him various answers but he said no it’s because their horns don’t work. With jokes and fun facts our safari became even more entertaining.

Suddenly on the road we could hear Langurs and Birds making a lot of noise. My father told the driver to stop, he explained that this was a Jungle call and if we patiently waited for a while we might get to see a tiger. I honestly didn’t believe him but I was still keen to wait and see where it goes. I think we waited for 10 minutes and then we heard a roar, my heart was pumping and my palms were sweaty because of anxiety and excitement. Soon out of the bushes we saw a beautiful tigress crossing the road. She stood right between the road and gazed right into our souls. She was magnificent and she didn’t roar or even try to attack us. Her beauty was captivating. My cousin and my father took some pictures and she even posed for a while. Once we were done she continued on her trail and went into the bushes on the other side. This one experience is something I just can’t forget. The tigress had this alluring beauty that still lives in my mind rent free. This was the best winter break because not only did we rejoice with our family but we got to see two tigers.

Nowadays whenever we drive near the park I always hope that we’ll get to see that tigress again. I really appreciate living near Rudrapur because it may be boring but thankfully it’s surrounded by beautiful area that holds diverse forest, hills and rivers that have been generously provided by our mother earth.

In order to travel more around my country independently, I decided to learn to drive. I noticed how old the roads had become. We have literally grown up on these roads and now I’m learning how to drive on these roads. I have noticed a few things since I have grown up here. Number one is that we have a lot of freedom compared to other people, I can roam around freely beyond the four walls of my house. Number two is that we are surrounded by a lot of wildlife that goes quite unnoticed. We have panthers, wild boar, blue bulls, Barking deer and infrequent visits from wild elephants. We have seen peacocks, partridges, jungle fowl and even get to see many rare migratory birds in winter. People in the city need to pay to see wild animals and birds, but we experience them here for free.

Often while I’m having my driving lessons, I would see Jackals casually roaming around in the fields and kingfishers resting on the telephone wires. Many times I have seen Blue Bulls munching on leaves roaming around near the poplar fields.

Even in the UK I have been fortunate enough to be able to see beautiful wildlife just roaming around freely. Once on my way to the university I saw a red fox; a beautiful enticing creature that seemed a bit lost and scared. Its eyes locked with mine but I was getting late for university and sadly I couldn’t take any pictures of this magnificent fox. In a way seeing that fox felt like I was looking at my own reflection. Lost and confused.

My university course had also organised field trips and one day our tutor had taken us to Brown Sea Islands. It felt so much like home. Open big land to explore where you can see many unique birds and this place was known to have rare red squirrels. We were unable to see red squirrels but just seeing a normal squirrel felt quite enlightening. They had a special birdwatching booth, where you could borrow binoculars and just sit there and enjoy watching the godwits, away from the hustle and bustle in a peaceful green land.

I wish I could spend some more time there. It made me feel like I was at home. I was so grateful that our course tutors could arrange such a lovely field trip for us. Without the field trip I would have never known about Brown Sea Islands, and would have never even gotten a chance to visit it.

Even during my regular commute towards university I have been very lucky to see beautiful tiny birds, goldfinches and house sparrows fluttering around in the trees and bushes. In the lower gardens in Bournemouth, there is a tiny stream where you can see cute little pochard, gadwall, teals etc. During spring the lower gardens have a lovely mix of flowers blooming all around, surrounded by butterflies.

Before living in the UK, I had never seen swans before. The first time I saw swans was in London. I had only read about them in children’s stories and when I saw them for real they seemed so enchanting and elegant.

I think that, overall, I have learnt a lot from experiences going back and forth, between here and there, India and England. Thanks to my friends and their advice I am more confident than before. I have even managed to become fond of the English rain, have started to adapt to the cold weather. Quoting Elsa of Arendelle: The cold doesn’t bother me anyway.